here is a picture of the kitchen sink i moderately despise. note the absence of hot water...
yup, pretty standard fare here - we have hot water in the shower, but that's it.
anyways, washing dishes, sweeping floors and the occasional banana bread are about as far as my domesticity comfortably takes me. comfortably, because i do these things reasonably well, without being forced or guilted into it, and without unreasonable suffering.
the other things don't come nearly as easy to me, and it's causing a bit of stress in my new domestic role of stay-at-home mom.
i can't for the life of me think of anything to make for lunch or dinner other than pasta (it doesn't help that the monster is as picky as they get and f. doesn't consider sandwiches real food). f. has always done the bulk of the cooking around here, and though i am trying to do my share, i find it stressful and bothersome. i experience true relief and even joy when i realize that we have gone 3 whole days without a pasta meal and that i can offer noodles guilt free. (i do make yummy sauces occasionally).
since i've discovered the secret trick to housekeeping - constantly straighten and tidy and organize and wipe everything, all the time - our house is definitely neater. i'm around all the time, so my threshold for grime and clutter has decreased significantly. but i'm not thrilled about how much mental energy and angst i devote to this not-even-that-clean house. all those minutes spent lying in bed before i fall asleep thinking about tackling the kitchen cupboard. all those times i'm glued to the chair, breastfeeding, looking around and taking stock of all the things that need doing.
i think i have to do three things:
- learn to like some of the things i need to do. i've started to like hanging the laundry, for example. it's usually lovely outside, with lots of birds and sunshine.
- get into a rhythm and accept some of the things i need to do - cooking can't always feel like such a huge drag. i'm going to need to eat for the rest of my life.
- figure out all my conflicted feelings about hiring someone to help out. this is the biggie, and i think i am only writing this silly little post to push me a little closer to actually sorting through it all. it's a huge mess of class issues, gender issues, child care, our money situation, my stay-at-home-ness, and other things all rolled up into me being a bourgeois, lefty, gringa, feminist, immigrant mama who can't figure out what to do!