provoking

monster, you drove me crazy today. acting out - behaving badly - whatever it's called, not because you wanted to do things that i didn't want you to do, but just to provoke me and see what would happen. to get in trouble. to force things. so me, knowing this means you need more attention and patience and not less, try and try to be good-humoured, patient, forgiving. i do it all unsuccessfully, partly because i'm terrible at it, partly because i'm way too tired. hopefully it was just a day. a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. it wasn't even thaaat bad. but i hope it's not the start of another bad bunch of days/weeks. please no!

class issues in macondo

cut and pasted from a recent email to a dear friend:

i've been asked to submit an estimate to translate a book (530 pages) by the vice-pres of Bolivia, a marxist sociologist. very dense and intimidating, but it would be cool. i have no idea if it will happen, but if it does we'll need to hire someone in the mornings to help me with the baby and the house. i would work at home and be here to nurse him and for little breaks, but would be able to hide away and work too. i think it's the only way to make it work (until now i've been doing all my work in naptime or after bedtime, which is just TOO MUCH), but it's not issue-free. obviously there's the problem of finding the right person. but it's also loaded with so many class issues here. it's a perfectly normal kind of arrangement here, but the perfectly normal thing would be to pay total crap and basically have a servant that i could choose to 'treat like a member of the family' or not. ick. i don't know how to get around it. we want to pay well and respect the important work they'd be doing and provide job security and the rest - but apparently this comes across as if we have so much money that we don't care how much we spend and it doesn't matter to us and it sets us apart in ways that people don't respect. it widens the class difference even more and shoves us into an extreme elite category, or something like that.

i've come up against all these class issues in another way. down the street there are a bunch of kids the monster's age. but he has never once spoken with them. so far, it just hasn't happened. he's made friends with some of the other neighbourhood kids that are 'weekenders' - they come to a house here on weekends (it's kind of like cottage country). but the locals, that live here all week long, have different customs, education, housing environments, etc. f.'s example: their kids play with cow poo in dirty puddles in front of their houses, with no adult supervision. my way more first world example: everyone in the house probably smokes, there could be loaded guns in there for all i know (this may even be true in the weekenders' houses, actually). BUT, they're our neighbours, and the monster could use some playmates, and this is where we live. i don't know where to go with it...

a list i like: how to be a good friend to a parent

procrastinate-y blog-reading led me to this great list, from here:

Concrete things you can do to support parents/or childcare givers and children in your community.

• Give children attention; talk to them, not about them, in a regular voice.
• Don’t get upset if they don’t want to talk to you when you do.
• Develop a consistent relationship with the children in your life. Set up a weekly or monthly date with a child.
• Speak up for childcare issues in all areas of what you do. Don’t let it fall to the parent to have to ask about childcare, or if it is a child friendly event.
• In general, feel free to ask a parent or childcare giver if you can help out when you see them “multi-tasking” (code word for overwhelmed, freaking out, having a melt down), and of course be gracious if they say no thank you.
• Smile at parents.
• Remember parenting doesn’t equal mothering; ask fathers how they are feeling as well.
• If you are throwing a party, hosting a meeting, planning a running street protest, announce that it is or is not a child friendly event. And if for some reason the event is not, make sure you are prepared to help parents stay involved: child care, classes for older kids.
• Create a space for children in your home: have some books to read and a toy or two to share when some little one (or not so little) comes over.
• Look at the world from child’s height
• Know how to change a diaper
• If you’re dating a parent offer to chip in on childcare costs while on a date
• Call your own parents regularly: remember you were a child
• Take the initiative to invite parents to events or to just hang out, even if they decline…parents often feel isolated.
• Remember parenting doesn’t end with infancy; parents of older children need allies too.
• And of course buy yourself and parents alternative books and zines about parenting…yes shameless plug

huevos

i asked the señora around the corner for some eggs.

- oh, eggs no, not until tomorrow.

- oh, that's too bad. oh well.

- blah blah (inentendible, she speaks too fast for me) blancos, blah blah.

- qué?

- i don't have any eggs. but i can give you some white ones.

- ah, okay, that would be great.

- we go to the city to get the red ones.

- oohhhh.

a great day

unfortunately no time for the long, rambling entry that i feel like writing. i also feel like getting into bed while f. is still awake. all the schools have been cancelled until after winter vacation - 4 weeks - because of swine flu. this instilled a great deal of panic in me and led to a few terrible days of me feeling like a terrible parent, the monster being bored and restless, and my rhythm with the monkey and the house and writing and emailing and exercising going way downhill. not that it was all sorted out, but it was going somewhere.

anyways, today was awesome, the monster did an adorable trabajito with me in the morning, then for a walk with his papi and saw a toucan and collected leaves and branches and things. i played with the monkey in the sun, went walking (all he wants to do), and cleaned up a bit. during naptime i went for a run! the first time since i've been here! it felt so good, and i want to do it as much as i can. just me on the beach in the sun, running, stretching, 45 minutes alone! wow. then i took the monster for a walk, we went to the librería and bought some materials (they didn't have half of what i wanted) to start a School is Cancelled scrapbook with the monster, documenting his activities.

i want to write about the past few days, what's been getting me down, hard to put my finger on but writing would help i'm sure. but the big picture: 2 awesome kids, f. is awesome, this place is beautiful. i keep coming back to that, even though i sometimes find the day to day challenging/difficult.

okay, it'll have to wait.

send

pretty satisfying - got off 2 long catch-up emails today. still a bunch more to go. i'm tempted to send them this link, and not have to write separate emails to everyone all the time (as if i write to people all the time!), but i don't want it to inhibit me from actually using this the way i wanted, which i think was maybe as a diary, but maybe as a blog, or maybe just for some pretty distracting procrastination... anyways, feels good to click that send button to fire off a good long email.

jungle winter

will i ever get used to this? winter meaning that it isn't too hot to do stuff! nice warm day today and we spent it having a picnic in the country at m. and l.'s, a little hiking, kids 'fished' in the pond, played with sticks and things. mate. bizcochitos. tank top. beautiful sunset.

boo :(

once again, no time for a real post, but a mini-update maybe i can squeeze in. all is well and fine, or at least my mood is at this particular moment, but i am missing having friends and being able to get out and about on my own in the city. here we are all hunkered down because of swine flu, plus i never go to the city anyways and when i do i have to run around like crazy and lug the baby everywhere and i don't know where to go to get or do anything anyways...

i am bored and frustrated with our only friends here - m. and l. they don't listen, especially m., and they don't seem to show any interest in knowing anything about us (especially me, but maybe i'm just extra-sensitive, f. thinks). they love us and want us and our kids to be a part of their lives, which is great. but can only go so far. it's hard to be around Such Great Parents all the time. if we could just talk about all the stuff that comes up with the kids without so much Advice coming from them, or if it came out in a different way, it would all be different. i'd still get bored talking about housecleaning and Perfect Parenting with m. all the time, even when i too am considered to be part of Padres Como Nosotros, but it would also have its good moments. it does have its good moments, in fact, but right now i'm not feeling it so much. we were talking about the monster and eating and his growth and m. weighed in with her opinion, which normally i would welcome, but it came out way too much like Words of Wisdom, without stopping even for a breath to hear what f. or i had to say.

anyways, there we go. hopefully we'll have better moments.

today was a lovely family day, out in the backyard in the lovely winter sun, the monster digging, the baby sprawled in the dirt, some mate, cleaning the house, the afternoon post-siesta at the beach, beautiful sunset, monster and baby both ate well. all good.

two moments with the monster

one:
you came home from school and opened up your 2nd package from your bubby (1st one was a ball and mitt), grabbed a piece of sidewalk chalk and we went outside to draw. i wrote your name, then you grabbed the chalk and said: i know how to make an e now. but i start with the ... then the ..., wait it's missing this (the vertical line)... now the .... you did it!! you wrote your name for the first time that i know of. and it was the first 'e' i've ever seen. i asked you if your seño taught you how to do it and you said nope, that i had taught you how. wow.

two:
one hour later, a beautiful sunny day, me sitting on our favourite lawn chair on the front lawn, you on my lap, wearing your helmet, your cape, the pants you haven't taken off in several months, the white long-sleeve shirt you haven't taken off in several weeks, your white shoes with cordones, and constantly pulling your white socks all the way up to your knees. the two of us peeling a mandarine and grabbing sections to eat and spit out the seeds 'for the pájaros and the hormigas'. such yumminess.

doña rosa

somehow, doña rosa is a big part of what i'm interested in studying. common sense, gender, class, legitimacy, media, popular culture, political implications - it's got it all. but not sure if there is anything analytically interesting i could do with that other than describe it, which is only interesting for non-argentine academics...

related article:
el regreso de doña rosa